by

HistorySmiths Pty Ltd

A Centenary of Federation History and Education Project

1999

The Chorus, group of Australians who narrate, sing the national anthem and backup vocals when required and enact events described by The Witnesses (see below).

Court Clerk of the Intergalactic Court of Appeal (ICA).

The Judges, who preside on the ICA bench:

Australian Judge, the representative of Planet Earth on the ICA bench.

Smithy (Sir Charles Kingsford Smith), aviator and time-traveller.

Information Officer (IO), alien life form in charge of Super Speed Information Transfer to Smithy.

Ginger, an Australian primary-school-aged child, adventurous spirit, confident, best friend of Felix.

Felix, another Australian primary-school-aged child, best friend of Ginger, slightly bookish, cautious, but very knowledgeable about Australian history.

The Witnesses: Six prominent Australians chosen from the 100 years of Australia’s history since Federation. Each is a representative from the six major themes as set out in the representatives’ charts:

Douglas Mawson, Antarctic explorer, representing ‘Advance Australia’.

Mum Shirl (Colleen Shirley Smith), welfare worker, representing ‘Australians All’.

Kay Cottee, first woman to sail solo around the world, representing ‘Girt by Sea’.

Kylie Minogue, internationally successful entertainer, representing ‘Nature’s Gifts’.

Sir Edward ‘Weary’ Dunlop, doctor and officer, representing ‘Young and Free’.

Director, in charge of the music video rehearsal.

Backup 1, along with Backup Singer/Dancers, involved in the music video rehearsal, played by members of the Chorus.

Warder, on ‘reception’ duty at the prison.

The year is twenty-thirty-eight, the situation bleak,
A Universal crisis looms—we may not last the week!

On every single planet where there’s life—the picture’s poor
The natural ecosystems now are failing by the score!!

The Universe has grown TOO FULL, resources have run out—
Our only hope: to meet, and form a plan that has some clout!!!

Upon a central planet (with the name Lymmorxia Six)
The planets’ representatives came up with this ‘quick fix’.

The council, known as ICCUP, will choose countries randomly
And wipe them out, recycling them, so others can live free.

Each country to be doomed will have the right to an appeal—
They must research their history to find some pride that’s real.

A country that can make a case of reasons to be proud
Will be reprieved from being axed, its right to live avowed.

But should a country fail to prove a reason to be proud,
ICCUP exterminates it in a protoplasmic cloud.

Today a country fights to live! Can this one prove its worth?
Now join the court for ICCUP v. Australia, Planet Earth.

Court Clerk: All rise.

Court Clerk: On this twenty-fourth day of January twenty-thirty-eight, the Intergalactic Court of Appeal is now in session. Please be seated.

Court Clerk: This is case number 20-38Alpha4-2-5-7Beta3 in the matter of ICCUP (The Intergalactic Council Controlling Universal Population) versus Australia, Planet Earth.

Judge 6: Which planet is it?

Australian Judge: Planet Earth.

Court Clerk: The issue before us today concerns an APPEAL on behalf of Australia against ICCUP’s decision to EXTERMINATE and RECYCLE that country.

Judge 4: Planet Earth? Which one is that, exactly?

Australian Judge: You know the Milky Way?

Judge 4: Yes.

Australian Judge: Well, in the Orion arm of the Milky Way galaxy, there’s a very nice little solar system with nine planets; and the blue planet… third from the centre… is Earth.

Court Clerk: ICCUP’s accusation is that since Australia became a federated nation it has done NOTHING of which it can be proud, and can therefore be DELETED from the space-time continuum. Appearing for Australia is Sir Charles Edward Kingsford Smith.

Judge 1: What have you got to say on behalf of Australia, Smithy?

Smithy: I … uh … muh … My mind’s a blank. I got here so suddenly. I don’t even know what I’m doing here. One minute it was 1935, I was flying over the Bay of Bengal and then … phhhhhht! … I’m here—(Looking around the courtroom) wherever ‘here’ is—and you tell me it’s the year twenty-thirty-eight! I’m terribly confused.

Judge 2: Didn’t you get your information pack?

Smithy: (Holding up a file containing a pile of papers.) Do you mean this? Someone just pushed it into my hands and told me to ‘REMEMBER’ hard. Then they put a strange-looking cap on my head, and thousands of pictures I’d never seen before ran through my brain.

Judge 1: Yes, well, THAT was your crash course in Australian history in the 103 years since you… (Judge 1 suddenly gasps and jumps as Judge 2 elbows Judge 1 in the ribs)

Judge 2: (Whispering in Judge 1’s ear so Smithy does not hear.) You’ll FREAK HIM OUT if you tell him he DIED 103 years ago!

Judge 1: (Nods and then continues speaking.)… ah … since you were … (finding the right words) last on Earth. (Turns to Judge 2 and smiles. Judge 2 smiles back approvingly.)

Judge 2: That’s right! We gave you the facts and brought you here to RESCUE Australia. Now what have you got to say on behalf of that nation? What has Australia got to be proud of?

Smithy: I … I … I can’t think. You haven’t given me time to prepare.

Judge 3: Hurry up man, time is running out.

Judge 4: I don’t think he can remember anything. I think we’d better load him up again!

Judge 3: All right, but make it fast. BRING IN THE INFORMATION OFFICER!

IO: (Places and holds the SSIT Cap on Smithy’s head.) Ready for Super Speed Information Transfer… (Removes hands from the SSIT Cap and stands back.) CLEAR… (brief pause) Commence!

IO: Super Speed Information Transfer is now complete. (IO takes off cap and exits.)

Smithy: Er, er … um, ah (Desperately shuffles the papers in his information pack. Starts reading from the first his eyes can focus on. Smithy begins to recite the lyrics, a little uncertainly at first but getting more confident as he goes along.) Chorus from their seats, not facing the audience, begin to sing the National Anthem softly in the background, then get louder and louder.

Australians all let us rejoice
For we are young and free
With golden soil and wealth for toil
Our home is girt by sea
Our land abounds in Nature’s gifts
Of beauty rich and rare
In history’s page let every stage
Advance Australia fair

Judge 5: Hold it! Hang on a minute. What does all that mean? That’s a SONG, not a CASE. ‘Australians all’? Who do you mean by that?

Judge 6: And what do you mean, ‘young and free’. How does that work, when Australia is clearly many millions of years old?

Judge 4: You mentioned ‘golden soil’… now that REALLY puzzles me because anyone who has orbited your planet Earth will tell you that much of Australia’s soil is red! And what does ‘wealth for toil’ actually mean?

Judge 1: I want to see evidence of some of these ‘things’ you call ‘Nature’s gifts’. If Nature has GIVEN them to you, then how can YOU be proud of them?

Smithy: Well, you see it’s …

Judge 2: And just who, exactly, has ‘Advanced Australia’? Who?

Smithy: Well, there’s…

Judge 4: Look, Smithy, we’ve all reviewed your information pack. YOUR job is to tell US what’s SO IMPORTANT about Australia that it DESERVES to remain in the space-time continuum.

Smithy: I need an adjournment.

Smithy: I’m sorry, but I need time to collect evidence, summon witnesses! I have had no time to put a case together. Give me an adjournment and I PROMISE I will prepare a good case for the Defence.

Australian Judge: You are a Frequent Flyer, Sir Charles?

Smithy: Ah … yes. I do fly … (pause) frequently.

Australian Judge: It is clear that, in order to prepare your case, you will need to travel back in time.

Judge 1: You must find some examples of WHAT Australia has to be PROUD of…

Australian Judge: …narrow your search to the period of 100 years after Australia became a federated nation.

Judge 2: Use your information pack to choose the examples.

Australian Judge: You will be allowed to bring back witnesses to give evidence in this case. The Court has decided to award you a Frequent Flyer Time-Travel package with a total of seven stopovers.

Judge 3: You can have no more than seven stopovers because we cannot be adjourned forever.

Australian Judge: After your seventh stopover you must return to this court and present your case. If you fail to meet that deadline you will leave us with no choice but to DELETE Australia from the space-time continuum and RECYCLE it for resources. It will have no past, and therefore no future! Do you understand all that Smithy?

Smithy: Yes, Your Worships! (To the Australian Judge) I won’t let you down. (To the audience) I must rescue Australia from EXTERMINATION!

Australian Judge: I hope you do!

Judge 1: This court is adjourned until tomorrow morning, at the rise of the third sun. (Bangs gavel on desk.)

Court Clerk: All rise.

The desperation of the case spurred Smithy on to dare
To fly through time—without a clue—but with a courage rare!

With his Southern Cross-turned-time machine, in SECONDS Smith could reach
Past DECADES—and he soon splashed down on this Australian beach.

Ginger: Come on, Felix! The water looks great.

Felix: I’m going as fast as I can! (Clomps to downstage centre where Ginger (now with back to audience and looking skywards) has been distracted by the sound of an aeroplane with engine trouble.)

Smithy: (Coughing and spluttering) Oh! I say! That was a bit rough! Lucky I hit the water! Oh! What’s that? (Dives down under the cockpit-seat and comes up struggling with gummy shark.) Non-paying passenger! Back into the ocean with you! (Throws shark offstage right.)

Smithy: Ah! At last! Thank goodness I’ve found you! (Smithy walks towards Ginger and Felix.)

Smithy: (Still holding out his hand.) Smithy’s the name—Charles Kingsford Smith. I say, you’re awfully young for Bondi Surf Lifesavers! Never mind, I’m glad you’re here. We should get going immediately. There’s no time to lose!

(Ginger and Felix look at each other, then turn to run off stage left. Smithy calls after them.) Hey! Where do you think you are going? That’s no way for Bondi Surf Lifesavers to act! You’re supposed to be courageous!

Ginger: We’re NOT Surf Lifesavers…

Felix: …and this ISN’T Bondi.

Smithy: Isn’t it?

Ginger: NO!

Felix: NO!

Smithy: Blast! I WAS trying to get to the Bondi Surf Bathers Life Saving Club. I need them to help with a RESCUE. (Pauses as if remembering) They rescued me from the surf, you know, when I was about your age. The Bondi Surf Bathers Life Saving Club was the first one of its kind in the world. Formed in nineteen hundred and six. Lucky for me, eh? (Pauses again to return to his previous thought) But you’re NOT lifesavers, you say?

Ginger: (With energy.) No! We’re not lifesavers, this is not nineteen hundred and six, and you’re NOWHERE NEAR Bondi!

Smithy: Double blast! This time travel business is harder than I thought. What year is it?

Felix: The year 2000*. (*Or replace ‘2000’ with whichever is the present year e.g. ‘The year 2001’.)

Smithy: Oh, I see. Dear me! One stopover used up. You two will have to return with me. I can’t waste a stopover. Come on! (Smithy moves towards his plane.)

Felix: Return where?

Smithy: Long story. I’ll tell you on the way, but come on! Australia’s future is at stake and there’s no time to lose! (Exit stage right to go to the plane to remove seaweed etc., getting ready for take-off.)

Ginger: Is this guy crazy? Does he SERIOUSLY think we are going anywhere with him in that HEAP-of-a plane?

Felix: Ginger! That ‘HEAP’ is the SOUTHERN CROSS.

Ginger: So?

Felix: So! It’s Australia’s most famous three-engined Fokker!

Ginger: (Raising an eyebrow) So?

Felix: So! It carried Smithy—(pauses to explain) Sir Charles Kingsford Smith—along with Charles Ulm and two American crewmen in the FIRST flight EVER across the Pacific Ocean!

Ginger: Felix, how long ago WAS this?

Felix: Well, let’s see… Um… Smithy disappeared over the Bay of Bengal in 1935, on a flight from…

Ginger: See! The plane IS a HEAP if it ditched him in the Bay of Bengal in 1935!

Felix: No! Listen—he wasn’t flying in the Southern Cross on THAT flight. He was in the LADY Southern Cross. It was seven years earlier, in 1928, that the Southern Cross was the first plane to cross the Pacific from California to Brisbane (via Hawaii and Suva). They did it in 83 hours and 38 minutes of flying time!

(Ginger, during Felix’s long speech, sighs, rolls her eyes, gently shakes her head and adopts a resigned expression. She is used to the way Felix goes on and ON when he is displaying his knowledge on a particular topic. Felix continues his speech.) Then the Southern Cross flew non-stop from Point Cook in Victoria to Perth in Western Australia! And THAT was the FIRST non-stop, trans-Australian flight. The Southern Cross didn’t end up in the Bay of Bengal! As a matter of fact it was out on the tarmac at Essendon airport for years and now I think it’s in a museum somewhere.

Ginger: Well, this doesn’t look like a museum to me!

Smithy: (Enters) Look here, you two, I’ve told you that the future of Australia is at stake! Now will you hurry up?

Ginger: Listen Mister Smithy…

Felix: Um… that’s ‘SIR’ Smithy, actually, Ginger…

Ginger: (To Felix) Yeah, whatever. (To Smithy) Now I don’t know what makes you think we COULD help you, even if we wanted to, but there’s NO WAY I’m getting into that bucket-of-a plane, with a COMPLETE stranger, when I have NO IDEA what any of this is all about!

Smithy: I’m afraid it’s all rather hard to explain… You see I’ve just travelled back in time from the year twenty-thirty-eight, where the Intergalactic Court of Appeal is about to decide whether or not to EXTERMINATE the entire country of Australia … FOREVER!

Felix: How terrible! They CAN’T DO THAT!

Smithy: I’m very much afraid they can! And they WILL, unless WE can win our case—(pauses to explain) er you’ll have to help me, (switches back to previous story)—it’s up to US to prove that Australia has something to be really proud of. We have to find WITNESSES—important Australians—who can give evidence to the Court that shows why Australia deserves to stay in the space-time continuum. Now we must hurry! The Court is only adjourned for a DAY, in twenty-thirty-eight time, and we’ve got a whole CENTURY to cover!

Ginger: Time travel! Did you say you’ve travelled through time? Prove it!

Felix: (Taking Ginger aside) Ginger, how else would you explain the fact that Charles Kingsford Smith, who went MISSING, presumed (drops his voice to a whisper) DEAD, (raises his voice again to normal volume) in 1935 is standing here with us now?

Ginger: Hmmm you’ve got a point. (Thinks for a second.) Time travel, hey? Amazing! This could be fun! (Ginger runs towards the plane where Smithy is already seated trying to get its engines started.)

Felix: This could be dangerous, you mean. (The engines fire up and Smithy gestures to both of them to hurry up.) I’m not too sure that this is a good idea.

Ginger: (Shouting over her shoulder) You don’t want Australia to be wiped out, do you, Felix?

Felix: Of course not. (Still not looking too sure about the idea.)

Ginger: Well, come on, then!

Smithy: Push me around so that I am heading into the wind. Then we can take off! Come on!

While flying, Kingsford Smith explained (at least, as best he could)
The inter-stellar lunacy he HAD to stop for good.

He told the two about the case… and all that he would need…
And how he could call witnesses to help him in the deed.

He had to find Australians who’d made themselves a name
To tell the court the reasons why Australia should remain.

Still ringing loud in Smithy’s head ‘Advance Australia Fair’
Gave Felix his first inkling of a plan with certain flair!

If they could use the lyrics of Australia’s national song
They’d have ideas for THEMES to use to help their case along.

‘Australians all’ could be one theme, and next, there’s ‘Young and free’,
Then ‘Golden soil and wealth for toil’ preceding ‘Girt by sea’.

They’d follow suit with ‘Nature’s gifts’—there’s much potential there
And finally, they’d clinch the case with ‘Advance Australia’ fare.

Director: (Sitting in director’s chair) Cut! CUT! (Leaps up, struts gracefully on to the dance floor, and goes over to Kylie) I’m sorry Kylie, love, we’re going to have to do that again.

(Kylie does not seem to particularly like being called ‘love’ by the Director.) One of the dancers was wrong-footed. (Goes over to Backup 1 to demonstrate the moves) Start on the right… and it’s step, step, ball-change, step! Got it?

Backup 1: Sorry. (Does a few practice moves, copying the Director.)

Kylie: (To Director) Can we try it from the top again this time, ‘love’?

Director: Sure thing. (Counts and claps in time to the beat of the song) Five— , six— , five, six, seven, eight.

Kylie: (Singing and dancing) Everybody’s doin’ a brand new dance now.

Chorus: (Singing and dancing) Come on baby, do the locomotion.

Kylie: (Singing and dancing) I know you’re gonna like it if you give it a chance now.

Chorus: (Singing and dancing) Come on baby, do the locomotion.

Director: Cut! Cut! What’s that? (Looking up and listening.)

So back another 20 years the rescuers now breeze;
In the nineteen-sixties they descend through clouds of history.

Mum Shirl: I’m here to visit Jimmy Smith.

Warder: Who are you?

Mum Shirl: I’m his Mum.

Warder: (Suddenly remembering) Hold on, I remember you. You were in LAST week to see Prisoner Number 567093.

Mum Shirl: That’s right. I’m HIS Mum too.

Warder: …and what about, Prisoner Number 563214?

Mum Shirl: Yeah…

Mum Shirl — I’m … HIS Mum TOO!

Warder: — You’re … HIS Mum TOO!

Mum Shirl: (To the Warder) Excuse me, are you all right? (Waving her hand in front of his face.)

Ginger: Sorry, WE did that.

Mum Shirl: Did what?

Ginger: We ‘froze’ the Warder. Whenever we turn up, time freezes for everybody except the one person we need.

Mum Shirl: What do you mean ‘need’?

Ginger: We need you to help us SAVE Australia.

Mum Shirl: (Letting out a ‘Huh’ of scorn.) I’ve got enough to do trying to help a few AustraliANS! I mean, not only do I have all my prison visiting to do, I’ve got a foster child at home…

Felix: (Explaining to Ginger) By the time she has finished, Mum Shirl will have fostered over 60 Aboriginal children.

Mum Shirl: (Looks at Felix as if he’s very odd, then continues) …I’m sorry but I haven’t got the time.

Smithy: Actually, time is one thing you DO have. Until we take you to testify in the year twenty-thirty-eight and then deliver you back here, time will be frozen in this dimension.

Mum Shirl: Pardon?

Felix: We’ve travelled back in time to collect witnesses to save Australia. So UNTIL you come into the FUTURE with us, and give evidence at the Intergalactic Court of Appeal, we can’t bring you back to the PRESENT, and time won’t start again in this dimension.

Mum Shirl: (Scratching her head.) This dimension? (pause) What?

Kylie: Yeah! I didn’t get that part either!

Felix: (Trying to explain despite his impatience to get moving.) Look! Our arrival in your time zone has created a fourth-dimensional-hiatus anomaly. This anomaly will pause life indefinitely until we all LEAVE this time, travel to the FUTURE and then RE-ENTER this time zone again. It’s a safeguard, you see, (explains further) a time-travel safety protocol, that allows us to travel back in time without affecting the space-time continuum or messing up the future. (Felix sees blank faces looking back at him. His voice gradually gets louder with each sentence as his frustration grows.) If life were to go on here WITHOUT YOU, you would be missed… you might not be able to do something you were MEANT to do. Similarly if time went on WITH US still here, we might do something that WASN’T meant to happen. Your absence … and for that matter, our presence… could distort the timeline. So you see, when we arrive in a new time zone, all around (gestures ‘around’ with his hands) us, EVERYTHING STOPS in the space-time continuum! (Desperately trying to make them understand, he shows them his wristwatch.) See, my watch has stopped!

Kylie: Oh! The space-time continuum!

Mum Shirl: Oh! The space-time continuum! (But Mum Shirl continues to look suspiciously at Felix.)

Kylie: (Suddenly realising what has happened, she takes a breath of surprise.) THAT’S why the whole studio just stopped when these guys walked in? (To Mum Shirl) Everyone except me was frozen. At first I thought they were playing a big joke on me, but after sitting around waiting for what felt like a whole DAY, I figured I might as well come and help.

Mum Shirl: So, you’re telling me that life here is on permanent pause until I help you? (They all nod.) And WHY is it, exactly, that Australia needs ‘saving’?

Ginger: Oh Mum Shirl, it’s terrible! The Intergalactic Council Controlling Universal Population…

Felix: ICCUP.

Mum Shirl: Excuse you!

Felix: No, it’s CALLED ICCUP for short!

Mum Shirl: (Not convinced by all this talk of intergalactic time travel.) Oh, of course.

Ginger: Yeah, well anyway Mum Shirl, in the future the Universe gets so overcrowded that these ICCUP guys decide that the ONLY way they can solve their problems is to WIPE OUT whole COUNTRIES, to free up a bit of space, and the next one on their list is OURS—(pauses for breath) AUSTRALIA! And unless WE can show the Intergalactic Court of Appeal something from Australia’s PAST we can be proud of, we will have NO FUTURE! They’ll exterminate Australia then RECYCLE it so they can REUSE the natural resources!!!

Mum Shirl: (Still not believing all this ‘rubbish’ about intergalactic time travel, she responds to Ginger’s energetic speech in a gentle tone with this understatement:) Sounds bad.

Kylie: Look, Mum Shirl, I didn’t believe them either, but when I got into that plane of Smithy’s, it was the eighties—now it’s the sixties! I know this whole thing is BEYOND WEIRD but trust me, nothing’s going to happen around here if we sit and wait.

Mum Shirl: (Still somewhat reluctant) Well, I s’pose we’d better get moving.

So, zooming in and out the years brave Smithy flies apace
Still searching for more witnesses to help him plead their case.

They found an entertainer first, to speak for ‘Nature’s Gifts’—
Mum Shirl to show ‘Australians All’ can give the case a lift—

A sailor, called Kay Cottee, now can tell of ‘Girt By Sea’—
A soldier AND a doctor, ‘Weary’ Dunlop—‘Young and Free’—

For ‘Golden Soil…’ a farmer’s duly found to take the reins.
Their time-travel is almost done—ONE stopover remains.

One final representative, to pluck from this time hence,
Who, for ‘Advance Australia’, will give the evidence.

Mawson: (Looks up and sees them) I’m saved! I can’t believe it!

Smithy: Douglas Mawson?

Mawson: Who else would it be out here in Antarctica? You’ve come to rescue me, haven’t you? Our land expedition, the Far Eastern expedition, from the Commonwealth Bay base, has been a DISASTER. We were 310 miles…

Felix: That’s 500 kilometres.

Mawson: (Looks at Felix, catches his breath, and waits for him to stop.) As I was saying, we were 310 miles out from base and one of my fellow explorers, a man called Ninnis, crashed through the lid of a large crevasse and disappeared with dogs and sled.

Felix: (He gasps. His eyes are wide open.) No!

Mawson: Ninnis was dead and without the supplies on that sled Mertz—(explaining) the other explorer—and I were left without enough food to survive. For twenty-five days Mertz and I headed for base together. (Mawson looks upset.) One by one, we had to eat our sled-dogs to stay alive.

Smithy: It was a journey (pause to emphasize the next word) dogged by tragedy, you might say.

Mawson: (Looks angry at first, then takes a deep breath and just seems sad.) Mertz died too and I had to carry on alone. I cut my sled in half with my pocket saw, left everything I didn’t need behind…

Ginger: (Interrupting. She has been investigating the items on the sled and picks up Mawson’s journal of scientific records.) What did you need a book for?

Mawson: The whole reason for my being here is for science. Getting back with my life, but without my work, would be useless! All this would have been for NOTHING—(pauses to explain) Mertz and Ninnis would have died in vain.

Felix: (Joining Ginger at the sled and picking up geological specimens and journal.) And besides, Ginger, the books and samples really aren’t very heavy.

Mawson: Anyway, I dragged what was left of the sled for the last 100 miles, but I missed the ship—(pauses to give the name of the vessel) the Aurora—see, (pointing offstage) THERE it is on the horizon, and I thought, after everything I’d been through, I’d die here. Then you appeared! But wait a minute—how did you get here—and who are you?

Smithy: (Although freezing cold, he is always polite.) Allow me to do the introductions—(Takes a deep breath and gestures to each character as he says their name.) Douglas Mawson this is Felix, Ginger, Kylie Minogue, Mum Shirl, Kay Cottee, Gustav Weindorfer and Edward ‘Weary’ Dunlop. Oh, and (putting his hand on his chest) I’m (holds his right hand out to shake hands) Charles Kingsford Smith. But it’s rather chilly out here—let’s get back to the plane, shall we, and we can get to know one another on the trip.

Court Clerk: Do you swear, on your HONOUR as significant Australians and on the very SURVIVAL of the country of Australia, Planet Earth, that the evidence you are about to give will be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

Kylie: I do.

Mum Shirl: I do.

Kay Cottee: I do.

Gustav Weindorfer: I do.

‘Weary’ Dunlop: I do.

Douglas Mawson: I do.

Australian Judge: Call your first witness, Smithy.

Smithy: Ah, right-ho… ah… I mean… thank-you. The Defence calls Kylie Minogue.

Court Clerk: Please state your name and occupation.

Kylie: My name is Kylie Minogue. I am an internationally famous Australian entertainer. My debut album, Kylie, sold more than 12 million copies, and was top of the pop charts in 20 countries around the world. I’m here to represent ‘Nature’s Gifts’.

Ginger: Thanks, Kyles, for taking the time out of your busy rehearsal schedule to be here today.

Kylie: Yeah, well it’s not as if I had much choice under the circumstances!

Judge 3: Speaking of ‘TIME’—yours is running out, Ginger.

Felix: Yes, forgive us, Your Worships. Ms Minogue, please tell the Court about something of which Australia can be really proud.

(During Kylie’s evidence members of the Chorus can act out aspects of her story, telling the tale in mime. See Staging the Play: Ideas for Costume and Set Design for suggestions.)

Kylie: Let me begin my evidence by saying that nature’s gifts in Australia are sometimes good and sometimes bad. Nature has given us some wonderful sports people and artists who have brought credit to Australia in the way they have represented our nation on the world stage. But nature can be very harsh too. We regularly experience bushfires, floods, cyclones, droughts … but these tragedies bring out the best in people too. Take for example Cyclone Tracy. Early on the morning of the 25th of December 1974 the worst natural disaster to affect an Australian city destroyed most of Darwin.

Ginger: What happened?

Kylie: For six hours the terrifying winds of tropical Cyclone Tracy ripped through the city, reaching speeds of 217 kilometres per hour before the wind gauges broke or were blown away!

Felix: Such strong winds must have caused a lot of damage! Can you describe it?

Kylie: Roofs were torn from houses and went spinning through the air; buildings collapsed; and cars, trucks and even railway carriages were sent flying!

Ginger: Was anyone hurt?

Kylie: Yes, I’m afraid they were. Fifty people were killed in the city and 112 were seriously injured. A further 16 people died at sea because of the cyclone.

Ginger: How did they die?

Kylie: Some of them were killed by flying debris...

Judge 2: (Interrupting Kylie) Why didn’t they take cover?

Kylie: Some of them DID—only to be crushed in their houses or cars. You see, the first winds hit at late the night before; then there was a lull at about 2.30a.m.—people might have thought the cyclone had moved on.

Judge 1: I’m sure it was all VERY sad, but WHAT IS IT about Cyclone Tracy that Australia has to be PROUD of?

Kylie: I was just getting to that, Your Worship. The cyclone almost destroyed Darwin...

Felix: (Standing) —About 90 per cent of the town needed rebuilding (sits).

Kylie: That’s right. So after Cyclone Tracy, peoples’ homes were in RUINS, they had no shelter and there was a danger that rotting food— (pauses to explain) everyone had stocked up for the Christmas holiday—would cause all kinds of diseases.

Felix: (Standing) Rescuers had to come in and help the people of Darwin (sits).

Kylie: More than two-thirds of the town’s population of 47,000 people were airlifted to emergency accommodation, people with injuries were treated, and volunteers helped to clean up the UNBELIEVABLE mess. (Pauses for dramatic effect and takes a big breath.) And THIS is what Australia has to be really proud of (pauses to make sure all the Judges are listening)—in the face of disaster, its people band together and help each other out. Thank you.

Felix: Thank you, Kylie. The Defence now calls Gustav Weindorfer.

Court Clerk: Please state your name and occupation.

Weindorfer: My name is Gustav Weindorfer. I migrated to Australia from Austria in 1900. I’m here to speak on behalf of ‘Golden soil, wealth for toil’ because I was a pretty good farmer. More important however was the work I did in 1922 in convincing the Tasmanian government to create a reserve…

Judge 5: What’s that?

Australian Judge: A National Park.

Judge 5: Ah, I see. (To Australian Judge) Thank you. (To Weindorfer) Tell me, where was this Reserve?

Weindorfer: It was the region stretching from Cradle Mountain to Lake St Clair.

Gustav Weindorfer: (Taking a small bow.) Thank you.

Judge 2: Bravo!

Judge 4: Encore!

Judge 5: Hmmm…‘Cradle’ Mountain… sounds nice.

Judge 6: What did he do?

Judge 3: (Hitting the gavel on the bench.) Order!

Australian Judge: (Regaining judicial composure.) Yes. Ahem. Highly commendable… but please continue.

Weindorfer: Sorry. Yes. As I said… I represent ‘Golden soil, wealth for toil’ so I’m here today to talk about how the land gives us wealth when we work hard.

Judge 4: How does it do that?

Weindorfer: I will give you one example. One of the most important minerals mined in Australia is iron ore. The discovery of more than 20,000 million tonnes of iron ore in the Pilbara region of north-western Australia was a significant event in Australia’s mining history because, not only was this deposit of iron ore HUGE, but it was of a very high quality.

Judge 4: What do you DO with it?

Weindorfer: You can refine it to make steel for railway tracks, buildings, all kinds of machines…

Judge 3: (Interrupting) Yes, yes… we get the picture.

Weindorfer: This deposit was so important because there was more than enough for Australian manufacturers to use, as well as plenty left over to sell to other countries. This created many jobs in Australia, and brought more money into the country.

Judge 5: How is stumbling across a valuable metal anything to be proud of?

Weindorfer: I think the LAND of Australia can be proud that it is such a good place for its people to live! I’m just trying to tell you about one of the ways Australia’s ‘golden soil’ has provided jobs—‘wealth for toil’ if you like—that help to make it a good place to live.

Australian Judge: He’s right, about that you know, My Learned Colleague—Australia IS a good place to live in—the landscape and the climate have something for everyone: tropical rainforests, beautiful beaches, rugged mountain ranges, breathtaking valleys…

Judge 6: (Getting interested) Does it have burbling purple geegelbob swamps like Lymmorxia Prime?

Australian Judge: Ah, well, of course there’s nothing QUITE like the geegelbob swamps anywhere else in the Universe…

Judge 6: (Wistfully) I do like the swamps of Lymmorxia Prime.

Judge 3: (Impatient with other Judges.) Has anybody any more questions for this witness?

Felix: Nothing further, Your Worship.

Judge 3: Let’s proceed, then, shall we? Call your next witness.

Felix: The next witness for the Defence is Kay Cottee.

Court Clerk: Please state your name and occupation.

Kay Cottee: My name is Kay Cottee and I represent ‘Girt by sea’ because I was the first woman in the world to sail single-handed non-stop around the world.

Judge 6: Did you sail alone?

Kay Cottee: Yes, Your Worship.

Judge 6: Without the aid of a boat?!

Kay Cottee: Oh no, Your Worship! I sailed in my yacht. She was named ‘First Lady’ and I set off late in 1987, and completed my round-the-world journey in 189 days.

Smithy: You should have borrowed my aeroplane. It would have been much quicker!

Kay Cottee: Thank you Smithy, but the point was to sail, not fly.

Felix: Would you please present your evidence, Ms Cottee.

Kay Cottee: Certainly. I’m here today to tell you about the world’s first official surf lifesaving club. In February 1906, a group of three surfers decided to form the Bondi Surf Bathers Life Saving Club, so that they could keep watch and help each other out if anyone got into trouble in the surf. From the beginning its lifesavers were volunteers, a proud tradition that continues to this day … (suddenly realising that she has time-travelled to the future, she gets confused, unsure whether there are any Surf Lifesavers in 2038) well, MY day… er…when I last left Australia, anyway…

Judge 5: (Slipping down from seat and disappearing underneath bench.) This witness is losing me!

Kay Cottee: Oh! Sorry! Where was I? Ah yes. The Bondi club also invented a rescue line that was portable— (describing the reel, she raises both arms and mimes the action of reeling out the line) it was a reel of rope attached to a small stand. (Has another thought.) Oh, and by the way, in January 1907, members of the Bondi club rescued a small boy … named Charles Kingsford Smith.

Judge 6: Is that so?

Smithy: (Standing, clears his throat. Looks embarrassed.) That’s true Your Worship.

Judge 3: Please continue.

Kay Cottee: By the time of the 75^th anniversary of surf lifesaving in Australia, lifesavers were responsible for 264,536 rescues. The most incredible rescue was at Bondi Beach on ‘Black Sunday’ on the 6^th of February 1938 when 200 surfers were swept out to sea. Nearly 80 surf club members helped in the mass rescue and they saved almost everyone … (only five out of the 200 people washed out to sea drowned).

Judge 3: Hmmm, very laudable, I’m sure. Thank you. Can we have the next witness?

Felix: Certainly. Weary Dunlop, would you please take the witness stand.

Weary: (Standing) Take it where?

Court Clerk: Please state your name and occupation.

Weary: My name is Edward Dunlop, but I am better known as ‘Weary’, which is a nickname I got while I was at university.

Australian Judge: How did you get the nickname ‘Weary’?

Weary: It was borrowed at the time from a claim made by Dunlop Rubber ‘that their tyres never (pauses to emphasise next word) WEAR out’. (The Australians all laugh politely along with Weary but the Judges are not amused. Particularly impatient is Judge 3.)

Australian Judge: You had best get on with it.

Weary: Yes, of course. I’m a doctor but during World War Two I was also a soldier, which is why I’m representing ‘Young and Free’.

Judge 3: (Always interested in anything to do with armies, Judge 3 takes an interest for the first time since the scene began.) A soldier, you say? Tell me what you did in the war.

Weary: In 1943 I was captured by the Japanese and had to work with other prisoners of war on the infamous Burma-Thai railway. In TERRIBLE conditions I gave medical help to ill and injured prisoners.

Judge 4: Without fear of punishment?

Felix: Weary is being too modest. In the end his bravery and humanity earned the respect, not only of his fellow prisoners, but also of his Japanese captors. Now, perhaps you could tell the court about the way Australia became a nation through Federation.

Judge 4: ‘Feder-what-shun?’, did you say?

Weary: Federation, Your Worship. Before the 1^st of January 1901 ‘Australia’ the nation did not really exist.

Judge 6: What do you mean, ‘did not exist’? The land itself is millions of years old!

Felix: Yes, Your Worship, but even though Gondwanaland, as the great southern land mass is known, has been around for millions of years…

Ginger: (Interrupting Felix.)…and even though Aboriginal peoples have lived on this land mass longer than anyone can remember…

Weary: (Takes over from Ginger.)…‘Australia’ the NATION is very young indeed!

Judge 5: So, HOW was this nation made?

Weary: Australia, the nation, was created when six separate colonies became states and were united—(pauses to explain) that is, federated.

Judge 5: What was so good about Federation?

Weary: By working together the states could become stronger than separate colonies alone. They would pool their resources to look after defence, immigration, local industry and trade. Together they could achieve common safety, common population management—and a COMMONWEALTH!

Judge 5: Didn’t they cooperate before?

Weary: Well, they tended to compete a bit, actually—and to treat each other with suspicion. Take this example of what it was like travelling between colonies before Federation. A family was travelling interstate from Adelaide on an express train. When they arrived in Melbourne they had their luggage searched at customs in front of railway porters and other travellers…

Judge 5: How embarrassing! That happened to me once when I travelled to Stumglypto*—in the fourth quadrant. Two VERY RUDE customs officers rifled through ALL my things in front of EVERYONE! I mean! All your personal things—toiletries, teddy bears, your UNDIES—out there on public display!! YEEP**, was my face GREEN with embarrassment!

Weary: I’m sure it WAS, Your Worship.

Judge 2: Aren’t there HUNDREDS of NATIONS on your Planet Earth? Surely they must have got together to cooperate too! What’s special about Australia?

Weary: Lots of countries on our planet had to go through dreadful civil wars before they achieved nationhood. Gradually, deliberately and—perhaps what brings us most credit as a nation—PEACEFULLY, the people of the six separate colonies CHOSE to be a single nation. As an old soldier I can tell you that anything so great as nationhood, achieved without bloodshed, is a very significant achievement indeed.

Smithy: Thank you, Weary. The next witness for the Defence is Shirley Smith.

Judge 1: Are you any relation to Charles Kingsford Smith?

Mum Shirl: Yeah! I’m his Mum!

Other Australians: Yeah, she’s his Mum!

Judge 4: Witnesses … PLEASE!

Mum Shirl: Beg your pardon. I’m not really his mother!

Court Clerk: Please state your name and occupation.

Mum Shirl: My name is Colleen Shirley Smith, but I am better known as ‘Mum Shirl’. I represent ‘Australians All’ because of my work amongst Aboriginal people. My welfare work started from visits to my brother in jail.

Australian Judge: When was that?

Mum Shirl: That was in the 1940s. He asked me to visit some of the other prisoners because they were very worried about the welfare of their relatives on the outside. Then they asked if I could go round and SEE their relatives so I could go back to the jails and tell the prisoners know how their families were.

Judge 4: (In utter disbelief.) Do you mean your country allows VISITORS into jails? How ODD! What did you DO there?

Mum Shirl: I just talked to ’em.

Judge 4: Most peculiar! Tell me, how did you get IN?

Mum Shirl: I got in to see the prisoners by telling the warders I was their mum!

Judge 4: No, no, no! I mean how does a living, breathing person get into a cryogenic stasis chamber and ‘talk’ to a FROZEN prisoner—and, for that matter—(pauses for emphasis) WHY?

Australian Judge: Ah, if I may just explain… they don’t use Cryogenic Suspended Rehabilitation on Australian prisoners.

Judge 4: You mean they don’t freeze them and re-configure their brainwave patterns to prevent them from re-offending?

Australian Judge: Er, no.

Judge 4: Why ever not? It’s far more cost-effective than feeding them.

Ginger: (Losing patience with the Judges.) Yeah, well, anyway… Mum Shirl, didn’t the guards get suspicious when you kept turning up all the time, pretending to be everybody’s mother? Didn’t they ever ask just how many children you had?

Mum Shirl: Yeah! (Laughing) But later I was granted a lifetime visitor’s pass to all New South Wales jails.

Felix: Mum Shirl, in 1971 you helped to set up legal, medical and welfare services for Aboriginal people in Redfern, Sydney. We’ve asked you to represent ‘Australians All’ by telling the court about another service that helps people in Australia. Will you please tell us about Australia’s Flying Doctor Service.

Mum Shirl: Sure. In some country areas of Australia people live hundreds of kilometres away from the nearest doctor or hospital. Before telephones were widely available, it was nearly impossible to get medical help in an emergency in the outback…

Judge 1: How did they contact the doctor, then?

Mum Shirl: An engineer in Adelaide designed a pedal wireless—you could generate enough electricity to send a message in Morse code by pedalling with your feet.

Judge 2: And how did the doctors get to the patients in these remote areas?

Mum Shirl: The airline Qantas made an aeroplane available. In 1928 John Flynn set up the Australian Inland Mission Aerial Medical Service at Cloncurry in Queensland. This was later called the Flying Doctor Service, and other similar organisations developed around Australia. I think this Flying Doctor Service is something we Australians can all be very proud of.

Judge 3: Is there anything else?

Felix: Just one more witness, Your Worship. (To Mawson.) Sir Douglas Mawson.

Court Clerk: Please state your name and occupation.

Mawson: My name is Douglas Mawson and I represent ‘Advance Australia’ because—well (a bit embarrassed)—I have been CALLED one of the most outstanding explorers of the twentieth century.

Felix: Now you’re being too modest, Sir Dougas! Your exploration secured Australia’s vast Antarctic Territory!

Mawson: But my REAL work—(explaining) the REASON I explored—was to discover more about science!

Felix: (Enthusiastically) Yes, and in 1928, your Australasian Antarctic Expedition of 1911-1913 was judged the greatest-ever scientific expedition to Antarctica!

Mawson: Actually it wasn’t all good news… but never mind that now. I am here today to tell you about a really significant scientific discovery made by an Australian working in Britain in the middle of the twentieth century. During World War II a new wonder drug for treating infections was found.

Judge 6: What was this drug?

Mawson: It was called penicillin and it was based on a mould that killed certain types of bacteria (germs) that caused deadly diseases like tuberculosis (TB) and pneumonia. Scientists in Britain had only just worked out how to turn this mould into a treatment for patients.

Judge 4: Who was the Australian?

Mawson: Howard Florey. He was one of the scientists who found out how to use penicillin to treat infections by making antibiotics.

Ginger: (To Mawson.) Tell them about CSL.

Mawson: Right you are. In Australia the Commonwealth Serum Laboratories—CSL—began manufacturing penicillin on a large scale in 1943. First it had to supply the armed forces so that soldiers, sailors and aircrew who got injured and sick could be treated. By 1944 CSL was also able to make supplies available to the civilian population.

Ginger: (With pride) Yeah and AUSTRALIA was the FIRST country in the WORLD to make this miracle drug widely available to civilians.

Mawson: Yes, and this saved many lives. Now I think that’s a scientific advance to be really proud of.

Judge 3: Well, if that’s all your evidence, then, let’s hurry up and THROW OUT the appeal (All the other Judges show their horror and disapproval to think that Judge 3 has already made up his mind before the case is over. Judge 3 pauses, remembers that this was meant to be a ‘fair’ trial, and reads from the Intergalactic Court of Appeal Rule Book for Judges.)

—er, I mean ‘carefully and impartially reach our judgement’.

Australian Judge: (Frowning at Judge 3.) I think you’re forgetting the summing-up speech!

The task: Smithy, Ginger and Felix have to sum up Australia’s case in a speech.

a) To help write the speech, ask yourself the following question:

Q. In the ‘evidence’ in Scene 6, what are the six things of which Australia can be proud?

• What Kylie Minogue said about ‘Nature’s Gifts’
• What Gustav Weindorfer said about ‘Golden Soil, Wealth for Toil’
• What Kay Cottee said for ‘Girt By Sea’
• What Weary Dunlop said about Australia being ‘Young and Free’
• What Mum Shirl said on behalf of ‘Australians All’
• What Douglas Mawson told the court on the theme of ‘Advance Australia’

b) You could try putting the list of things-to-be-proud-of in order. Place the piece of evidence that you think is the strongest LAST. You’ll create a BIG FINISH by keeping your best argument for last! Place the piece of evidence that you consider to be the least important FIRST, and so on.

c) Give part of the speech to each of the three characters (Smithy, Ginger and Felix).

d) The speech must convince the Judges that Australia has something to be proud of, so remember to use persuasive language.

e) From all the speeches written by students in your class you will need to choose one to use in your performance of the play.

f) Paste the chosen summing-up speech into the play.

The task: After the summing-up speech is chosen, you have to decide as a class what the Judges’ verdict will be.

a) To help you to decide, discuss:

b) Give reasons for your decision and take a vote if necessary.

c) Write dialogue that gives the Judges’ final decision. The decision will indicate to you how to act out the final moments of the play. Depending on whether or not Australia wins the appeal, we imagine the Australians will be either:

1901-2001 Centenary of Federation

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